Mother Knows Best

My mother is quite a brilliant woman. (Mom, if you’re reading this I want another chocolate pie.)

pie

My mother majored in business in college and even owned her own business while I was growing up. So when it comes to making business decisions, she is my go-to for advice.
She once told me this piece of wisdom, “The only thing worse than owing people money is when they owe you money.” As an ex-landlord, I can attest to the truth of this.
Another time my Ebay store was doing badly. It was almost at the point where I was working for free. (I sold vintage and antique postcards.) My mother’s advice was to raise the price on everything in the store. That seemed back-asswards to me.
I asked her, “Why would somebody pay ten bucks for a postcard when they won’t pay two bucks for it now?”
She answered, “Because people don’t want something unless it’s expensive.”

mother said

Turns out she was right. I raised all my prices and two days later I couldn’t keep up with my orders.

Then there’s the story of my couch. I was living in L.A. and had bought a new couch. Which meant I had to get rid of my old couch. But in L.A. it costs something like $100 to take a couch to the dump. So, I carried the couch out to the road and put a “Free” sign on it.
The couch sat in front of my house for three days looking sad and forlorn.
Remembering my mother’s advice, one night I changed the sign to read: “For Sale – $500.” The next morning the couch was gone. Somebody had ‘stolen’ it!

knows best

I guess the moral of this story is – Don’t undervalue your work.
Or maybe it’s – Listen to your mother.
Or it could be – I write for pie.

Making the world a happier place, one book at a time!

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Available in ebook and print here!

Crazy Little Thing Audio Snippet

Hi! I recorded a ten minute snippet of me reading from the book Crazy Little Thing that I wrote with my wife, Saxon Bennett.

I hope you enjoy it!

More Than a Kiss Audio Snippet

Hey, y’all! Just wanted to announce that I’m doing some readings of our books over on Soundcloud. the first reading I’ve done is from “More Than a Kiss.”  (12 minutes!)  It won’t be long before I’ll be reading from our next book “Crazy Little Thing” and my YA novel “Once Upon a Time Travel.”

My wife and writing partner, Saxon Bennett, makes a guest audio appearance also!

If you join up with Soundcloud (it’s free), give my follow button a push and you won’t miss out on any of my upcoming audios. Also, add the reading to your playlist so you can give it a listen any time you want!

Making the world a happier place, one book at a time!

Owl Jolson – I Love to Singa

Remember when you were a kid and you’d wake up on Saturday and Sunday mornings, run to the TV and blissfully watch hours of cartoons before your parents woke up?

In memory of the child in all of us, here’s my daughter’s favorite cartoon: Owl Jolson “I Love to Singa.”  (Yeah, she’s old school.)


Watch, enjoy, start your morning with a laugh!

Doy you have a favorite cartoon or funny video? Tell me about it in the comments section below.  Maybe I can find it and share it next Sunday!

Making the world a happier place, one book at a time!

Click here to buy or borrow!

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French Benefits

My daughter Emma and I always have the best discussions as I drive her to school. Today she started the conversation by saying:

Emma: I wish I could wear my Halloween costume the entire month of October. Every day.

 (Here’s a photo of Emma relaxing after school.  Playing a video game in her Halloween costume. 

BTW, this photo was taken in April)

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Layce: Well, if you grow up to be self-employed like me you can wear your costume every day.

Emma: Yeah, I guess being a writer has its French benefits.

Layce: You mean fringe benefits.

Emma: That’s what I said.

Layce: No, you said French benefits.

Emma: No, I didn’t. I said French benefits.

Layce: Hunh. You said it again. You said French benefits.

Emma: You just can’t understand me because I’m a racist girl.

Layce: Since when are you racist?

Emma: I’m not racist!

Layce: You said, and I quote, “I’m a racist girl.”

Emma: I did not. I said I’m a racist girl.

Layce: That’s what I said you said.

Emma: Mother… listen close. (over-enunciating) I. Am. A. Racist. Girl.

Layce: I give up.

Emma looks at me. She smiles a like chimpanzee who is getting ready to attack. She points at her braces and says:

Emma: I wear braces. I am a braces girl.

Layce: Oh. Braces. Not racist. You are a braces girl. Got it.

Emma: You’re so weird.

Layce: That’s just one of the French benefits of being a writer.

 Making the world a happier place, one book at a time!

Available at Amazon to buy or borrow

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Pardon My Blooper!

When I was a kid I had a record album (remember those?) called Pardon My Blooper! It was a compilation of famous bloopers from TV shows.

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  The record had that one famous line from The Newlywed Game. You know the one where Bob Eubanks asked the question “Where’s the strangest place you ever made whoopee?” and the man answered, “In the butt, Bob, in the butt.”

There was another scene on the album from Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show. Zsa Zsa Gabor was his guest and she brought her pet cat on the show with her. She asked Johnny in her thick accent, “Would you like to pet my pussy?” After the studio audience stopped laughing, Johnny said with perfect comic timing, “Get that cat out of your lap and I will.”

But my favorite blooper was from the old Groucho Marx show “You Bet Your Life.”

groucho life

Groucho called a woman contestant up in front of the camera with him and began to ask her questions. It went something like this:

Groucho: What’s your name?

Woman: Eunice Hofstader.

Groucho: Nice to meet you, Eunice.

Woman: You too, Groucho.

Groucho: Are you married?

Woman: Yes, I am.

Groucho: Too bad. (Grouch wags his eyebrows and the studio audience laughs) How long you been married?

Woman: Eight years.

Groucho: You have any children?

Woman: I sure do. I have nine children.

Groucho: Nine children in eight years?

(Groucho’s eyes go big as he ashes his cigar. The audience laughs.)

Groucho: Wow. I like my cigar but I like to take it out of my mouth once in a while.

(The audience roars. The camera goes black.)

grouch stork

That was the last thing Groucho ever said on the air. His show wasn’t brought back.

I’ve thought of that recorded moment hundreds of times throughout the years. It has never failed to make me laugh. That’s the thing with comedy, right? It can hurt and make you laugh at the same time.

 

“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” ~ Groucho Marx

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Available for buying and borrowing at Amazon!

 

Happiness is…

…Reading a funny book!

Crazy Little Thing

a tour de farce

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Ollie and Claire fell head over heels in love, drove to Iowa and got married. One year later they realized they’d made a big mistake. But in order to get divorced they have to drive back to Iowa and live together for three months before the judge will grant them a divorce. Can Ollie and Claire fall back in love? Can their love survive a divorce?

Join Ollie and Claire as they teeter between happily ever after and happily never after ­­- along with a zany cast of characters: Elvis, the ghost of the King of Rock ‘n Roll; Scarlet, the girlfriend who worships plastic surgery; G-Ray, who was abducted by aliens and thinks his buttocks are clairvoyant; EZ, a narcoleptic who fell asleep in 1987 and doesn’t know that time has moved on; Doctor Secaule, a Nazi dominatrix marriage counselor, and Oscar the Weiner dog… with a guest appearance by Meyer the hedgehog.

Available now at Amazon in print and ebook!  Click here to be magically transported.