Texting with a Fever

I woke up feeling a bit better. I’ve had the flu for three days and spent a lot of that time with an inferno raging inside my head. I looked at my phone this morning and realized that I had done some texting during a feverish state. I don’t remember any of it.

This is a transcript of the text messages between me and Saxon Bennett:

Saxon: whatre u doing?

Me: Im lying on my deathbed watching a TV show about Lionel Ritchie tracing his roots. 

Saxon: Why? 

Me: Im too sick to find the remote n change the channel 

Saxon: u still have fever? 

Me: Yep 105 

Saxon: drink lots of fluids 

Me: im drinking dr pepper 

Saxon: drink water and juice 

Me: dr pepper has prune juice in it 

Saxon: i wish i cud help you 

Me: can u build me a time machine? so i can go back to when i was well? 

Saxon: i can’t. im all out of scotch tape. 

Me: omg! lionel ritchie just found out he’s black! 

Saxon: thats why i don’t trace my ancestors. Drink hot tea.

Me: i have an irrational fear of standing in front of the microwave while its running.

Saxon: i have an irrational fear of gary busey.

Me: lets not even talk about christopher walken.

Saxon: or dick clark.

(ten minute lapse)

Saxon: u still there?

Me: Yep. Lionel just found out hes white.

Saxon: that sucks

Me: my dogs think im going to die. Theyre looking at me n licking their lips. They want to eat me.

Saxon: no. they just want to help you

Me: my ass. They r measuring me with their eyes.

Saxon: no they r not

Me: they just did rock paper scissors to see who gets my hamhocks

Saxon: whats lionel doing now?

Me: hes rethinking his entire life and work since he found out hes white.

Saxon: u still have fever?

No answer.

Saxon: u there?

No answer.

Saxon: dogs? Can u read this?

No answer.

Saxon: dogs, if u can read this, do not eat her. Do not eat her. She has the flu and might make u sick. Do NOT eat her.