Spiderman

It’s weird people that keep things interesting. Case in point: I used to own an Ebay store. I sold antique postcards. (Postcard collecting is the third largest collecting hobby in the world right behind stamps and coins.) When you do something like run an online business (or write books!) you get some really strange people coming out of the woodwork and contacting you.

One such person was Sarah. Sarah lived in London. One day she sent me an email. It said something like this: “I work in an office. I sit across from a chap I hate. His name is Roger and he has a giant stuffed spider sitting on top of his computer monitor. The spider stares at me all day. I hate the spider. So I kidnapped the spider. Now Roger thinks I did it and won’t bloody shut up about it. I would like to pay you to send Roger a postcard from the Spider so he will think the spider is on holiday. Will you help me?”

I wrote back that it sounded like great fun. Sarah visited my Ebay store and picked out a postcard from Carlsbad Caverns, New Mexico. I wrote on the back of the card, “Dear Roger, Hopped across the pond to visit family. Wish you were here! Love, Spidey.”

Two weeks went by before Sarah emailed me again. She wrote, “Good job, I loved it! However, Roger doesn’t quite believe it’s from Spidey. Can you send another postcard? Make this one from Florida.”

I sent Roger a postcard from Disney World. I wrote on the back, “Roger, I think you would like it here. It’s the happiest place on earth! Love, Spidey. P.S. that’s me sitting on Mickey’s shoulder.”

Sarah emailed, “Roger still doesn’t believe it. He says he can’t see Spidey on Mickey’s shoulder. Can you send another postcard? From Hollywood?”

I sent a postcard of the Hollywood sign. I wrote on back, “Roger, this town is great! Sunshine, movie stars, swimming pools! Guess what? They’re making a movie about me. They’re getting some bloke in a leotard to play me. I’ll be home soon. Love, Spidey.”

Three weeks passed before Sarah wrote back. “It’s been great fun. But I gave Spidey back to Roger. He’s happy now. Thank you!”

My pleasure, Sarah.

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Making the world a happier place—one book at a time!

Now available at Barnes & Noble, Smashwords and Amazon!

 

The LezBeans, Episode 14, “Two Moms”

One of my worst fears about being a LezBean parent was how my child would handle the pressure from society. Because, let’s face it, not everybody is nice about a child having two moms or two dads. And, sure enough, the day came when her best friend asked:

I held my breath until I heard Lulu answer:

I shouldn’t have worried. I think Lulu will be okay.

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Making the world a happier place—one book at a time!

“Yet another classy novel from the funny power duo. Well written story and characters that keep you glued to the book.” ~Minzi

Available at Amazon (ebook and print) and at Smashwords!

How To Deal With Writer’s Burnout

Burnout is something most authors go through. Especially self-published authors. Speaking from my own experience, Saxon and I work harder as self-published authors than we ever did  when we were with a publisher. And the results of that work have paid off in spades. Still… there comes a time when all work and no play can really take its toll on your writing and your life.

I recently have found a superb blogsite called Selfpubauthors.com.  This is a group of self-published authors who look at common problems and blog about them. It’s kinda like a self-help for the self-published.

They recently blogged about burnout here. If this has ever happened to you this is a great blog to read.

Bookmark the site or click on their follow button. You won’t be sorry.

 

Oh, and Kiss & Tell is now available at Smashwords!

Making the world a happier place—one book at a time!

Frito Bandito

When I was in 2^nd grade a fad swept through Alexander Hamilton Grade School in Commerce, Oklahoma. It was the Frito Bandito pencil topper/eraser. It came free in the bag if you bought a super big bag of Fritos corn chips. It looked like this:

I was one of the few kids in my class who didn’t have a Frito Bandito on top of my number 2 pencil. Karen Johnson (not her real name) teased me mercilessly by wearing her white go-go boots (which I also didn’t have) and making a big show out of using her Frito Bandito pencil topper to erase her math problems. I was so jealous I could chew nails and spit rust.

Then I had an idea.

Karen Johnson and her go-go boots ran outside for recess while I lagged behind. When the room was empty, I stole her Frito Bandito out of her desk. (I think Frito Bandito would approve. After all, he was a bandito.)

I kept him hidden in my pocket the rest of the day.

Karen cried when she couldn’t find him.

I ran all the way home with my prized possession. I bathed with Bandito. I ate with Bandito. I slept with Bandito. I had wonderful dreams about Bandito.

The next morning I suddenly realized I had a problem. I couldn’t take Bandito to school. I sat right next to Karen Johnson. She would notice if her Frito Bandito suddenly appeared on my pencil. What was I going to do?

I did the only thing I could do. During math, I turned in my seat and said quite loudly and dramatically, “What is that?”

I reached down under Karen’s desk and popped back up with Frito Bandito in my hand. I handed it over, glad to be rid of it. Karen squealed with joy and thanked me profusely for finding her pencil topper.

I learned a very important lesson that day: Never steal in your own neighborhood.

Making the world a happier place—one book at a time!

Our newest romantic comedy just in time for Valentine’s Day!

Buy it, give it as a gift, or put it on your wish list by clicking here.

Brand New Book!

Saxon and I are proud to announce the birth

of our newest romantic comedy!

When Willy and Allistair meet, it is hate at first sight. The last thing they want is to witness a Mafia murder and be put into the Witness Protection Program together. Join Willy and Allistair as they go on the run from the mob and are forced to hide in a convent, a Wild West ghost town, and a nudist colony. In the end, they discover that sometimes love is found where you least expect it.

Available now at Amazon for only $4.99!

Word Crimes

I had to share this great Weird Al video.

The LezBeans, Episode 13, “World’s Longest Joke”

When Lulu was first learning to talk I thought it would be fun to teach her the wrong word for everything. For example, I would teach her that the word  for chair was actually “shit.”

If that worked, I would teach her that the word for “please” was actually “Fuck you.”

I mean what’s the use of having a kid if you can’t have some fun with them?

I imagined her going to school on the first day. She would smile at her teacher, point at a chair and ask, “Is this my shit?”

The teacher would freak out.

The teacher would say, “What did you say, young lady?”

Lulu would ask in a louder voice, “Do you want me to sit in this shit?”

“What?” the teacher would gasp.

“This shit,” Emma would enunciate carefully. “Should I sit in the shit or not? Fuck you, answer me.”

The teacher would get really mad and send Lulu to the principal’s office.

And I would laugh my ass off. It would be like the world’s biggest, longest joke…

I didn’t do it, though, so don’t get mad at me.

Making the world a happier place—one book at a time!

Available February 5th!