Making lesbians happy – one book at a time

Texting with a Fever

I woke up feeling a bit better. I’ve had the flu for three days and spent a lot of that time with an inferno raging inside my head. I looked at my phone this morning and realized that I had done some texting during a feverish state. I don’t remember any of it.

This is a transcript of the text messages between me and Saxon Bennett:

Saxon: whatre u doing?

Me: Im lying on my deathbed watching a TV show about Lionel Ritchie tracing his roots. 

Saxon: Why? 

Me: Im too sick to find the remote n change the channel 

Saxon: u still have fever? 

Me: Yep 105 

Saxon: drink lots of fluids 

Me: im drinking dr pepper 

Saxon: drink water and juice 

Me: dr pepper has prune juice in it 

Saxon: i wish i cud help you 

Me: can u build me a time machine? so i can go back to when i was well? 

Saxon: i can’t. im all out of scotch tape. 

Me: omg! lionel ritchie just found out he’s black! 

Saxon: thats why i don’t trace my ancestors. Drink hot tea.

Me: i have an irrational fear of standing in front of the microwave while its running.

Saxon: i have an irrational fear of gary busey.

Me: lets not even talk about christopher walken.

Saxon: or dick clark.

(ten minute lapse)

Saxon: u still there?

Me: Yep. Lionel just found out hes white.

Saxon: that sucks

Me: my dogs think im going to die. Theyre looking at me n licking their lips. They want to eat me.

Saxon: no. they just want to help you

Me: my ass. They r measuring me with their eyes.

Saxon: no they r not

Me: they just did rock paper scissors to see who gets my hamhocks

Saxon: whats lionel doing now?

Me: hes rethinking his entire life and work since he found out hes white.

Saxon: u still have fever?

No answer.

Saxon: u there?

No answer.

Saxon: dogs? Can u read this?

No answer.

Saxon: dogs, if u can read this, do not eat her. Do not eat her. She has the flu and might make u sick. Do NOT eat her.

Comments on: "Texting with a Fever" (2)

  1. OMG, you are killing me! tears, hysterical laughter, more tears…now I gotta go blow my nose.

  2. Laurie read me this and we were both hysterical. It’s much funnier now that you’re alive, of course.
    But seriously …more hot tea and juice.

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