I’ve been spending too much money on books. It’s my guilty pleasure. I quit smoking, quit drinking, and the only vice I have left is reading a lot. (I don’t count coffee consumption so don’t get me started on that!) I bought a kindle which I frickin’ love and it saves me money on books because ebooks are a little cheaper. But like Lays potato chips and cocaine in the late 80’s, there’s never too much of a good thing and reading is getting to be a damn expensive habit. (yeah, yeah, there’s the library, which I love, but dangit, there’s no lesfic at my library!) So, I sat down with my collection of Suze Orman books and the two of us devised a plan to not only save money, but to actually MAKE money by reading! How, you ask?
Here’s how it works:
Let’s say I buy a book, and just for argument’s sake, I buy… oh, I dunno… say, Tats by Layce Gardner. And, let’s say we buy it at… oh, I dunno… BellaBooks.com. Okay, so that’s $15 out of your pocket. Wait a minute, you say. I thought I was gonna make money! Well, as anybody knows and you’ve probably heard, you have to spend money to make money. So, spend the fifteen bucks already and let’s move on.
The book is 288 pages long. That’s only a nickel a page. But let’s concentrate on the entertainment/time quotient. It’ll take you about ten hours to read that many pages. That’s about 28.8 pages per hour. Or in monetary terms, that’s a buck fifty an hour you’re paying for high quality entertainment. Not bad considering you often spend fifteen bucks an hour or more to eat popcorn in the dark watching a movie with a hundred other people. So a buck fifty is pretty good, no?
Yeah, well, what happens when you read the book a second time? That’s right! Now, you’re only paying seventy five cents an hour for your entertainment. That’s a damn good deal. But, you know what? Try loaning that book to, I dunno… me… and I read it. Oh, you see, don’t you? You’re already down to 50 cents an hour!
Now the book has been read three times and the total cost of the book is down to only $5.00 from your initial investment of $15!
Wait! There’s more!
What if I read it again? What if I loan it to my girlfriend? What if she reads it twice? That’s right, you’re now down to a FREE BOOK! When was the last time you got that many hours of entertainment for FREE? (and that’s not counting all the interesting hours of conversation you can have with me and my girlfriend about the book.)
Now, I bet you’re getting way ahead of me here, aren’t you? You’re so smart, You can see how to make money off this. That’s right – Hand the book off to a straight man (they love to read lesfic) and make him pay you. (he’ll pay way more than you think, so ask for more) It won’t be long before you’re rolling in the dough! Now your entertainment is free and you’re actually earning money!
Go treat yourself to a grande skinny latte with sugar-free vanilla. You earned it!
* fine print: Some of you may be worried about how the writer is going to make money if people keep loaning out their books instead of buying them. Well, number one, you were going to loan it out anyway. And, number two, writers are going to do the same thing as you and make money off their fellow writers so it all evens out. But if you still feel it’s wrong, then shoot me an email and I’ll tell you where to mail my royalty check.
* fine fine print: Suze Orman had nothing to do with this blog.
A sweet & steamy short story
Saxon Bennett and Layce Gardner