(Layce puts her cell phone on speaker phone and dials the number. She sets the phone on her desk and listens to it ring. After five rings, Yamila answers.)
Yamila: (sleepy voice) Hola.
Layce: Hi! I hope I didn’t wake you.
Layce: Can you speak English?
Layce: En..glish… You know American? Speak English? I know you can read English.
Yamila: I speak English, si. Who are you?
Layce: My name’s Layce Gardner. I’m calling you from the United States. Oh, no! I’m sorry, I forgot about the time difference! What time is it in Argentina?
Layce: Oh, that’s not so bad.
Yamila: Two in night time. Who is this?
Layce: (enunciating slowly) Layce Gardner . I wrote the book Tats.
Layce. Si, si. I just called to tell you thank you.
Yamila: Thank you?
Layce: Si. I wanted to thank you for buying my daughter’s braces.
Layce: For her teeth. Not her legs.
Layce: Are we having a language barrier problem here?
Yamila: No. Yes. I no understand.
Layce: Let me explain. You stole my book —
Yamila: — I no steal book. No steal.
Layce: Ummmm…. Let’s cut through the bullshit, ok? You stole it. You may have bought it first, but then you uploaded it to a website and told all your friends they could have it for free. So they downloaded it for free and read it and all the money I could have made was gone, kaput, vamoose.
Yamila: This not stealing. It sharing.
Layce: Okay, whatever, I didn’t call you to argue semantics. I called to tell you thank you for sharing your credit card with me.
Layce: Well, when you shared my book, I figured I lost A LOT of income. And I have a daughter who needs braces ’cause her teeth are jacked up and I couldn’t afford it without that income. So, I contacted a friend, who knows this guy who… well, anyway, I got your credit card number and I shared it with a bunch of other authors and I paid for my daughter’s braces, so I just wanted to say thank you.
Yamila: You stole my credit card?
Layce: No, silly, I shared it. There’s a big difference. By the way, you may be getting some more phone calls from other authors. They want to thank you, too.
Me: I’m sorry, no habla espanol. Sweet dreams!
(Layce hangs up. Giggles.)