Making lesbians happy – one book at a time

Mystery in Room 323

I wrote my first book when I was ten years-old.  I chose to write a mystery that took place at my school.  I wrote it with a number 2 pencil on a Big Chief tablet.  It was five pages long.  I titled it “Mystery in Room 323.”  It was published in installments in the school newspaper.

*spoiler alert*  The teacher did it.

I only remember the first two sentences of the book:  “She tripped over the sidewalk and stubbed her big toe.  It hurt.”  Even at that young age I had a sense of drama.  Which I probably got from watching all those Charlie Chan movies on Sunday afternoon.

I remember trying to weave humor into the story.  I had my protagonist, Michelle, write the teacher an anonymous note.  Michelle mistakenly signed the note ‘Miscellaneous.’  I thought that was hilarious.

*spoiler alert*  My readers didn’t.

I brought the humor down a notch in the next installment.  This time Michelle cut the cheese in class.  My readers thought that was hysterical.

I thought my newfound fame would make me… desirable.  That being a published writer would make girls swoon in my presence and that boys would want to be me.

*spoiler alert* Didn’t happen.

So, I moved on.  I became the paper’s cartoonist.  It was the era of Watergate, which means I drew a lot of cartoons of men with ski-slope noses saying things like “I am not a crook.”

*spoiler alert*  He was.

My fellow students still didn’t fawn over me.  To earn their love I began to do impersonations of famous personalities a la Richard Little.  (If you’ve never seen a fat, ten year-old girl wearing cat-eye glasses do an impersonation of John Wayne, you haven’t really lived.)

*spoiler alert*  I became the kid nobody wanted to eat lunch with.

However, as it has a tendency to do, life went on.

BIG TIME *SPOILER ALERT*  I grew up to be a writer as an adult.  I still think farts are funny, but now I call it scatological humor.  Girls still don’t swoon over me – and some even run from me.  I still wear glasses and I still do a mean John Wayne.

Comments on: "Mystery in Room 323" (8)

  1. “miscellaneous”…guffaw (rolling out of my rolling chair at work).

    Chuckle chuckle….snort. (swoon)!

  2. You knew how to spell “miscellaneous” as a ten year old? I am duly impressed.

  3. Thanks! I have a miserable cold, but you’ve made me giggle and laugh.

  4. Ha! That was great, Layce!

  5. Jordan Redhawk said:

    *spoiler alert* Loved it!

  6. bevprescott said:

    I love your sense of humor. You make us all laugh and everyone could use a lot more laughter. As for lunch, I think I saw a lot of the ladies hanging around your table at the GCLS. You might be way more popular than you realize.

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