Making lesbians happy – one book at a time

As a writer I like to eavesdrop on conversations.  Sometimes those conversations make their way into my writing.  Sometimes those conversations are so outrageous they are almost too good to be true.  Yesterday, I overheard one of those too-good-to-be-true conversations.  I was driving my truck back from a party.  My daughter Emma and her friend, Allie, were in the front seat with me.  They were both wound up on sugar.  That happens when you’re eleven years-old and excited and have eaten an ice cream cone and three lollipops in just under one hour.

Allie is a talker.  And I realized a long time ago that she likes to make up stories.  She began the conversation as we drove past a flea market on the highway:

Allie:  I can’t go to the Fiesta Mart anymore.

Emma:  Where’s the Fiesta Mart?

Allie:  Tulsa.  I went there once and they won’t let me go back.

Emma:  Who won’t let you go back?

Allie:  The Fiesta Mart people.  You know how there’s this law that you can’t discriminate?  Like you can’t discriminate against a person because of their color or because they’re a cripple or because they have religion or because they’re a Gypsy?

Emma:  Yeah.

Allie:  Well, I went to Fiesta Mart with my cousin who’s a cripple in a wheelchair and they let her in but they wouldn’t let me in.

Emma:  Why?

Allie:  Because I’m a Gypsy.  I’m 98% Gypsy and they won’t let Gypsies inside because they think we’re stealers.  It’s discrimination.

Emma:  I didn’t know you were Gypsy.

Allie:  Yep.  98% percent of me is. I’m a genuine Romaine Gypsy.

Emma:  Romaine?  Like the lettuce?

Allie:  I don’t know about the lettuce part.  (pause)  But I do eat salad when my Grandma threatens that I’ll have to sit at the table until I finish.  It has to have Thousand Island Dressing.

Emma:  You’re weird, Allie.

Allie:  No, I’m not. (pause) But you know what is weird?  When dogs have worms and they scoot on their butt across the carpet.  That’s weird.

Emma:  (laughing) Yeah, that’s weird all right.

Allie:  I’m just a Gypsy, I don’t have worms.  I don’t steal, either.  But the Fiesta Mart people still won’t let me inside.  They think I have bad thoughts in my head.  My head is only full of cupcakes and ballerina shoes and tiaras, but they don’t know that.

Emma:  You should sue them for discrimination.

Allie:  I will once I’m grown up.  You know how my cousin got even with the Fiesta Mart people?

Emma:  How?

Allie:  She stole a toaster from them.  Right off the shelf.  She snuck it out behind her back in the wheelchair.

Emma:  Did she get caught?

Allie:  No way.  She’s a good stealer.

Pause.

Allie:  She’s not a Gypsy either.

I pulled up in front of Allie’s house and she got out of the truck.  We said our goodbyes and Emma and I watched Allie walk up the path to her house.

Emma:  I don’t think she’s really a Gypsy.

Me:  I don’t either.

Emma:  But I did see two toasters in their kitchen the other day.

Comments on: "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves" (7)

  1. Cheyenne Shepard said:

    Toocute

  2. Oh my! That’s funny!

  3. Meli Lussier said:

    Laugh out loud hilarious Layce!

  4. mary M. perry said:

    That was pee in your pants funny..kids are such a hoot! Thanks for sharing.

  5. WOW , i really needed that … thanks LMLAO…
    oh and can i say
    a 15 year old gypsy ; ) girl from Romania …
    did pull my arm out of socket
    when i worked in labor and delivery
    years and years ago
    but i don’t recall her stealing any thing ; )

  6. Yeah. ya gotta watch out for those 98 per centers….:D

  7. Thank for the morning laugh! Kids gotta love ’em. Well most times anyway.

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