Saxon, Emma and I just got back from our New Orleans/Biloxi vacation. I fell in love with N’Awlins, but thought I might share a few tidbits that are not printed in any brochure:
1. Bourbon Street smells like vomit
2. Almost everything in the Flea Market is made in Nepal or Thailand.
3. The guy who stops you on Royal Street and shines your shoes with a dirty rag expects you to give him money
4. Riding the streetcar is fun until you end up with your nose stuck in the armpit of a stranger for six miles
5. The curators in the N.O. Museum of Modern Art hate people. They especially hate people who want to look at the art. They especially hate touristy people who get too close to the art and set off alarms. Twice.
6. People in New Orleans who have jobs in the service industry hate their jobs, hate their lives and hate you, too. Well, actually maybe they just hate you.
7. Bourbon Street smells like vomit.
8. French beignets are the same thing as Indian frybread except they’re square.
9. A two egg omelette costs $9 and doesn’t even come with hashbrowns or biscuits.
10. All the natives sound like Harry Connick, Jr. and wear those old man hats just like his.
11. The Garden District is beautiful but if you try to walk from one side to the other you will have blisters on your feet and you will have to stop at Lady Footlocker on Canal Street and spend a hundred dollars on a new pair of Nikes.
12. Fancy hotels don’t have fridges or coffee makers in the rooms. Saxon thinks it’s gross to have to make coffee in the bathroom anyway.
13. It is possible to get sunburned on the tops of your feet even if the sky is overcast and you’re under a beach umbrella.
14. Don’t leave your hotel room until the toilet STOPS flushing because it is possible for that little hose in the tank to shoot water out of the tank and if you leave to go to the beach for two hours when you get back the entire room will be flooded.
15. IHOP food is good no matter what town you’re in and the omelettes come with biscuits, gravy, hashbrowns, bacon, sausage and pancakes for only $6.
16. There is a town in Louisiana named Translyvania and there is nobody around during daylight hours.
17. All in all, I loved New Orleans and fell in love with Zydeco, poor boy sandwiches, Blue Dog, wrought iron, street musicians and the native artists along Jackson Square.