Making lesbians happy – one book at a time

My daughter Emma is thirteen years old now. It’s truly amazing how fast your children grow up. I remember when she was a year old and I was trying to teach her to walk and talk. (Now I just want her to sit down and shut up.)

This past week, I took Emma out for some mother daughter bonding time. Some mothers and daughters bond while shopping. Some bond at a tea party or while cooking. My daughter and I bond by going on a Bigfoot Hunt.

Okay, so the Bigfoot Hunt was totally my idea. I believe in Bigfoot. Mainly because it’s fun to believe in Bigfoot.

It was a beautiful day out at Lake Tenkiller as we hiked the woods around the dam. The sun was shining. The birds were chirping. At least I think they were. It was hard to hear because Emma talked nonstop.

Emma: I can’t believe you let me watch all those Disney movies growing up.

Me: What do you mean?

Emma: they’re so wrong! I’m warped because of them.

Me: Warped how?

Emma: Like every time I go to sleep I’m afraid some man is going to come along and kiss me like Sleeping Beauty.

Me: That scares me, too, to be truthful.

Emma: Or I’ll get put in a casket like Snow White, but I’m not really dead just hibernating.

Me: That is a little unnerving, I’ll admit.

Emma: And The Little Mermaid is wrong on so many levels.

Me: Really? How so?

Emma: She’s a ginger. And she doesn’t have freckles. How many redheads do you know without a single freckle?

Me: Maybe she dyed her hair.

Emma: Riiiight. If she dyed her hair red and spent all that time in the water, it would have turned green.

Me: You have a point.

Emma: You ever notice Pocohontas? How she has that long, straight gorgeous hair?

Me: Uh huh.

Emma: But she never has a brush? What’s up with that?

Me: She used a thistle. Or a bramble.

Emma: Yeh, everybody knows Native Americans used bushes to comb their hair. Uh huh.

Me: Okay, okay, another good point.

Emma: And Snow White lived with seven little men? Shared a bedroom with them even? Seriously, you’d kill me if I did that.

Me: Yes, I would. I’d let you live with three little men maybe, seven is just overkill.

Emma: Ssshhhh… You hear that?

Me: (a little scared) Hear what?

Emma: If you didn’t talk so much, you would have heard it. It sounded like Bigfoot.

(Pause. We hold our breath and listen. All I can hear is my knees knocking.)

Me: (whispering) What kind of noise did it make?

Emma: Mabelmabelmabelmabel.

Me: Mabel?

Emma: Sssshhhh! Stop talking, Mom, geez…

(Long pause. We listen. Nothing. We walk about one hundred yards in blessed silence.)

Emma: And how about Sleeping Beauty? There’s a curse that she gets pricked when she’s eighteen. Don’t you think that metaphor is little heavy-handed?

Me: I never thought about it like that.

(I hear it. A sound like heavy breathing. And foot stomping. I yelp and run. )

Me: Run, Emma, run!

Emma: Mom, stop! Stop running!

(I stop running. Emma lopes up to me.)

Emma: Don’t run. That’s the stupidest thing you can do.

Me: (panting) Didn’t you hear that noise?

Emma: Let me explain something. When you put a ball of yarn in front of a cat, what happens?

(I shrug.)

Emma: The cat chases the yarn. When you throw a ball in front of a dog, what happens?

Me: The dog chases the ball?

Emma: Exactly. So what do you think is going to happen if you run in front of Bigfoot?

Me: Excellent point.

(We walk. Of course, I’m hyper alert and look like Don Knotts in The Apple Dumpling Gang. I try to make conversation.)

Me: Disney should make a movie about Bigfoot being a princess.

Emma: It could be a remake of Beauty and the Beast. With Bigfoot as the beast.

Me: We’ll name her Mabel.

Proof of Oklahoma Bigfoot: http://www.lloydpye.com/flash/10-Oklahoma-trip.swf

Comments on: "A (Bigfoot) Hunting We Will Go!" (5)

  1. I absolutely love the conversations between you and your daughter!!!

  2. I have tears running down my face right now from laughing!!! What a great blog… and your daughter makes some excellent points! Probably why I was 40 before I came out!! Dang that Disney!! 😉

  3. You and Emma really need to write a book together.

  4. Monday morning made. Thanks!

  5. Lynne Buckley said:

    Hilarious.

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