Making lesbians happy – one book at a time

LOS ANGELES – Rita Hanover, a 39 year old lesbian, admitted to undisclosed sources yesterday that she dislikes cats. “I kept it a deep, dark secret for years,” Rita said. “I was afraid of being shunned in the lesbian community.”

Rita’s sister, Margo, knew something was wrong. “It came as no surprise to me,” Margo said. “I would watch her pet the cat and it was obvious her heart wasn’t in it.”

Rita is suspected to be one of only a dozen or so lesbians worldwide who dislike cats. She admitted to only getting a cat because of lesbian peer pressure. She fed the cat, patted the cat and even bought it cat toys. But she didn’t play with the cat. She didn’t talk to him a in a baby voice or let him make kitty bread on her soft parts. She didn’t allow him to stand on her kitchen counters. She could not bring herself to use the words “Furbaby” or “Rainbow Bridge.” “The cat would sit on top of my TV for hours and look at me,” she said without a trace of remorse, “and I didn’t look back.”

Rita finally came to terms with her feelings when she joined the group “I Am Not My Stereotype.” She meets once a week with other people like herself. “I don’t feel so alone knowing there are others out there like me,” Rita remarked. The group is a place of comfort and solace for all people who do not fit the stereotype of their minority, and as a result, are disenfranchised. Included in its membership are African Americans who cannot dance, Asian Americans who can drive well, Gay men who dislike musicals and Jewish mothers who don’t complain. “I feel so empowered now,” Rita said.

What’s next for Rita? “Who knows,” she said. “I might start carrying a purse.”

 

Rita grooms her cat out of a sense of obligation

thTWR3I5IL

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Comments on: "Lesbian, 39, Admits to Disliking Cats" (4)

  1. Guerillabookworm said:

    Wickedly snarky way to start my morning… loved it!

  2. Never thought about a need for this type of Support Group. Maybe more will pop up in our area. I’m mostly a dog person and unable to have kittens or Cats around. Gotta give Rita credit for being responsible to cat obligations. Like Rita I have no desire to carry a purse.

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