Because I am a mother I know all the answers to all the questions in the world. At least my daughter thinks I do. She asks me approximately one million questions a day. She asked me this question ten seconds ago:
Emma: What is the texture of the igneous rock that forms around magma?
Emma: Mom… puhleez.
Or this question from last night:
Emma: Why do kangaroos have three vaginas?
Me: (stunned silence)
I have gotten so tired of answering questions that I decided to use something that would answer for me—the magic 8-ball.
Remember those from when you were a kid? You’d go to a slumber party and Janet would ask, “Am I going to marry Jimmy?”
Janet would shake the magic 8-ball and its answer would float to the top. Inside that little circle were the words: It is certain.
I went online and bought a magic 8-ball. Now I was armed for any question.
Emma woke up. Walked into the kitchen, bleary-eyed. She asked, “Are you fixing me breakfast?”
I shook the magic eight ball. Looked into the little window. I answered, Don’t count on it.
Emma came home from school. Started her homework. She held a paper under my nose and said, “Mom, is this punctuation correct?”
I shook. I looked. I answered, My reply is no.
Emma’s room was a friggin’ mess. I yelled at her, “Clean it up! Now!”
She glared at me and crossed her arms over her chest. “What if I don’t?”
I shook. I looked. I answered, Reply hazy.
Emma asked me, “Mom, can I go skating Friday night?”
I shook. I looked. I answered, Concentrate and ask again.
Saxon and I were cuddling on the couch. She asked, “You know how much I love you?”
I answered, Signs point to yes.
“What’s that mean?” she asked.
“I mean… My reply is no?
“I mean… Outlook good?”
“Why do you sound so weird?” Saxon asked.
I smiled and said, My sources say no.
“You know what you sound like?”
“Better not tell you now.”
“A magic 8-ball,” Saxon said. “That’s what you sound like.”
Hmmm, Imagine that…
Making the world a happier place, one book at a time!
Magic 8-ball says Go buy this book!
(You can also borrow it for FREE!)