Making lesbians happy – one book at a time

The Magic 8-ball

Because I am a mother I know all the answers to all the questions in the world. At least my daughter thinks I do. She asks me approximately one million questions a day. She asked me this question ten seconds ago:

Emma: What is the texture of the igneous rock that forms around magma?

Me: Hard.

Emma: Mom… puhleez.

Or this question from last night:

Emma: Why do kangaroos have three vaginas?

Me: (stunned silence)

I have gotten so tired of answering questions that I decided to use something that would answer for me—the magic 8-ball.

index

Remember those from when you were a kid? You’d go to a slumber party and Janet would ask, “Am I going to marry Jimmy?”

Janet would shake the magic 8-ball and its answer would float to the top. Inside that little circle were the words: It is certain.

I went online and bought a magic 8-ball. Now I was armed for any question.

***

Emma woke up. Walked into the kitchen, bleary-eyed. She asked, “Are you fixing me breakfast?”

I shook the magic eight ball. Looked into the little window. I answered, Don’t count on it.

***

Emma came home from school. Started her homework. She held a paper under my nose and said, “Mom, is this punctuation correct?”

I shook. I looked. I answered, My reply is no.

***

Emma’s room was a friggin’ mess. I yelled at her, “Clean it up! Now!”

She glared at me and crossed her arms over her chest. “What if I don’t?”

I shook. I looked. I answered, Reply hazy.

***

Emma asked me, “Mom, can I go skating Friday night?”

I shook. I looked. I answered, Concentrate and ask again.

concentrate

***

Saxon and I were cuddling on the couch. She asked, “You know how much I love you?”

I answered, Signs point to yes.

“What’s that mean?” she asked.

“I mean… My reply is no?

“Huh?”

“I mean… Outlook good?”

“Why do you sound so weird?” Saxon asked.

I smiled and said, My sources say no.

“You know what you sound like?”

Better not tell you now.”

“A magic 8-ball,” Saxon said. “That’s what you sound like.”

Hmmm, Imagine that…

Making the world a happier place, one book at a time!

Family washing

Magic 8-ball says Go buy this book!

(You can also borrow it for FREE!)

 

Comments on: "The Magic 8-ball" (8)

  1. Sheri Campbell said:

    Wish I had thought of this a few years ago with the grandchildren.

    My daughter always said….”go google that” This is good except when she tells me to do it.

    Love the Imma family stories.

    Thanks

  2. Or you could try the Sarcastic Ball (“Yeah, right,” “Ask me if I care,” and “Oh, please,”) the Freud Therapy Ball (“How did that make you feel?” and “Talk about your mother,”) or the Rude & Crude Magic Answer Ball (“No f#@king way!”) which I suspect would suit you just fine. These are great because life is really so simple and three or four word answers can solve all of our problems. (That’s from the Gross Understatements About Life Magic Answer Ball.)

  3. HA!! Just noticed “Magic 8-ball says Go buy this book!” Lololol! Good one! That’s from the Promote Your Life’s Work Magic Answer Ball, I bet.

  4. LOL! Hey, if you go to youtube there’s a demonstration video on how to change a magic eight ball’s answers. Go do it!

    • Looks a little more complicated than I’d like it to be. I’m thinking that maybe I should just get a 3D printer to create at least the answer icosidodecahedron. That would totally justify the $3k price, doncha think? Then again, I could just program one to add to a website. It would be a lot easier to change the answers that way. Or a phablet app that lets you create your own answers. Hmmm.

  5. Love the rude 8-ball, I may have to buy that for Saxon!

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