Making lesbians happy – one book at a time

Lies Writers Tell

Remember when David Letterman had his top ten list?

dl

 

Tahlequah, Oklahoma’s claim to fame is being the home office of Letterman’s top ten list. (Besides being the home of Carrie Underwood and Mr. Ed, that is.) So, seeing as how I live in Tahlequah, I decided to make my own top ten list.

top ten

LIES WRITERS TELL

  1. My book is so good it will sell itself.

Books do not sell themselves. You have to market and market and market because like it or not, you not only created the ‘ho but you have to pimp the ‘ho.

  1. I have writer’s block.

This is an excuse writers use when they don’t have to write to make a living.

  1. A ton of people showed up at my book reading/signing.

Yeah, a ton of people if you’re counting pounds and not heads.

  1. I support and love my fellow writers.

Hanging out with other writers is akin to sleeping in a snake pit and thinking you won’t get bit.

  1. My current book is almost finished.

Didn’t you say the same thing months (or years) ago?

  1. I’m only on Facebook to promote my book.

And look at pictures of kittens. And puppies. And rant about the guy in the movie theatre, the telemarketer, or the woman in the checkout line. I also thought you might like a photo of what I had for lunch.

  1. I don’t read my reviews.

Hahahahaha. Writers read their reviews. And even if they won’t admit it, here’s what they believe: All good reviews are true. All bad reviews are wrong. It’s that simple.

  1. I dont need an editer.

That sentence is self-explanatory.

  1. I do it for the art, not the money.

If this was true you wouldn’t be selling your book, now would you?

  1. You aren’t in my book.

Everybody who has ever pissed off a writer is in their book. They’re probably the one who got killed, slapped, shot, hit on the head, knifed, etc.


Funniest book of the summer!

Now available to buy or borrow

gigolo

 

 

Comments on: "Lies Writers Tell" (11)

  1. Charlotte said:

    Wonderful!

  2. Love the list, hope I don’t see my self In a character in anyone’s book. Or if I do I hope it’s in a good character 🙂

  3. Lance, your candid honesty is refreshing. As always a much appreciated post.

  4. jeannenicholas said:

    You forgot the lie about “word stuffing”. I think its something like “I don’t care how long the story is.” That is the well known Dickens method to get just the right amount of word count.

  5. Well, except for #3 – you’ve showed me I’m a pathological lying author…. Thanks?

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