I worked in a factory right out of high school. It was called Metal Fab and we made wooden bases for trophies. I was paid minimum wage to stand all day at a sanding station and sand those little bases. I got the job beause my best friend’s daddy owned the place. It was my plan to work there for the summer and save enough money to suppliment my scholarship to college.
After about two days work I was so bored I could scream. There were women that had worked there for years. They were fifty, sixty years-old and were going to work there till they keeled over. I was so glad I was going to college.
But I was also bored and had no idea how I was going to make it through an entire summer.
My foreman was a little woman, no bigger than a chigger. She was around thirty years-old, bleached hair, tight wranglers, sleeveless cowgirl shirts. I hated her upon sight. We’ll call her Debbie.
It didn’t take me long to realize that Debbie was having an affair with the factory’s other foreman. He was married. Me and the old ladies I worked with liked to gossip about them.
One day on my lunch hour I was in the office and Debbie put her car keys on her desk and walked away. I grabbed the keys and went to the parking lot. I rummaged through her car. I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for… anything to ease my boredom. Imagine my surprise when I opened the trunk and saw a dildo.
Yep, sitting there as pretty as you please. A giant, black dildo sitting on a blanket in the trunk.
I quickly wrapped the dildo in the blanket, stored it in the trunk of my car and put Debbie’s keys back where I got them.
I set to work cutting letters out of magazines and the next day Debbie found this on her desk:
My friend and I waited all night for Debbie to bring the ransom money. She didn’t. The next note she got wasn’t so nice:
Debbie was still a no-show. The next day she got a note and a package. Inside the package was a used C battery. The note read:
She still didn’t bring the money. Instead the next day on my lunch hour I found a note stuck under my windshield. It said:
I was foiled! That night I drove by Debbie’s house and threw the dildo out my car window and it thunked onto her porch. I saw her porch lights flip on as I drove away.
So the dildo-napping didn’t work out so good. My first foray into the underbelly of the criminal world was a complete bust.
But hey, I had a great story to tell.
Stay for tuned the next installment of Layce’s capers entitled “The Day I Burned Down Metal Fab.”