Making lesbians happy – one book at a time

The Christmas Man

When you live in Los Angeles sometimes you run into famous people where you least expect it. Like convenience store lines, car washes, or a grocery store. Or, as in this case, you sit next to a movie star on an airplane.

She was a very familiar looking blond woman and I couldn’t quite place her. I introduced myself and she told me her name was Karina. She had a very thick German accent.

“Excuse me,” I said, “Please, don’t take this the wrong way, but have you ever done any film work?”

“Yes, I have,” she said proudly. “I make adult films.”

“That’s how I know you!”

“You watch porn?” she asked.

“Not usually,” I said. “But I saw you in Porn Bloopers, Volume I.”

She laughed. And that’s how I became friends with the woman known as the Marlene Dietrich of porn. The bloopers tape I saw featured Karina in one segment. She was the tall blond lesbian who was always the third ‘man’ in the adult films. In this particular blooper, it was Karina who kept farting during crucial moments and making them start the scene over and over again. It was hilarious.

Karina and I chatted as we flew across country. She told me how she had come to America when she was only nineteen. (She wasn’t yet 30.) I told her the only German words I knew were kindergarten and tannenbaum. It was the tannenbaum part that got us to talking about Christmas.

She told me how Christmas in Germany was very different from Christmas in America. For one thing, they have The Christmas Man. She told me his name in German but because of my dumb American ears she translated it to The Christmas Man.

According to Karina, The Christmas Man would dress like a devil with horns and goat legs and run around the dark streets looking for children to beat and then eat. It was German tradition for children to go outside after dark, roam the streets, and try to find The Christmas Man. If they did find him they would throw sticks and stones at him and run away. If the children weren’t fast enough, the horned Christmas Man would catch the child and beat him senseless.

Merry Christmas!

Some story, right? I thought Karina had to be pulling my leg. Until the other night at dinner when my daughter told me she wanted to see the movie “Krampus.” The movie is about a Christmas demon who is summoned to a family home over the holidays. This demon has horns and goat hooves.

krampus

“Hmmm….” I said. “Interesting story line. It wasn’t written by a German porn star, was it?”

Turn out it wasn’t.

Last I heard of Karina she was making a living dubbing American porn films into German. And I’m going to see the movie “Krampus.”

It’s a weird, weird world.

Comments on: "The Christmas Man" (2)

  1. MB Panichi said:

    Happy Christmas to you and your family 🙂
    Man — you guys have the most bizzare but wonderful experiences! Thanks for sharing 🙂 and making me smile!
    P.S. –> I will skip the scary movie .. lol and stick with the Grinch as my Christmas bad guy…

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