Making lesbians happy – one book at a time

Goodbye, Facebook!

Well, I did it. I just hit the deactivate button on my Facebook account. I’ll admit it feels a little scary. I’ve been active on Facebook for eight years now. There have been some good times, for sure. But holy hell, there’s been a lot more bad times. To keep my sanity, I finally deactivated.

Here’s the hard truth: I was addicted to Facebook. I spent probably one to two hours per day scrolling the newsfeed. I posted, I scrolled, I liked, I commented, and I even poked. I read about people’s lunches, vacations, book releases, kids, and even their bowel movements. (No, I’m not kidding!)

The upshot is that I wasted too much time on FB. It’s the same reason I got rid of my TV seven years ago. It was controlling my life!

I’ve been thinking about going off FB for about a year now, but just couldn’t quite bring myself to click that button . But two things happened recently that pushed me over the edge.

(Backstory: I am a Lesbian Fiction author and that is a very small niche to publish in. It doesn’t take long to get to know most of the other authors and even a lot of the readers.)

I received a private message from a reader last week. She had heard about one of my books in a Lesfic reading group on FB. She read the first four pages of my book and didn’t like it. So, she sent me a PM telling me so. She said she couldn’t read the rest of the book because I wrote about a character who was fat. She took offense because she was fat.

Well, I didn’t know what to say to that. Am I not supposed to ever write a fat character? Are there not fat people in the world? (me being one of them!) Plus, there is such a thing as a character arc, but I couldn’t get into that with her because she didn’t read the entire book.

I responded to her with a great big “shame on you!” Here’s the thing – she has ever right to not like my book. I am not silly enough to think all people will read and love my work. But, I will draw the line at her having the gall to write me and tell me she hates my work. I didn’t need to hear that kind of negativity. Writers (and all other artists) have very fragile egos. The last thing we need is hate mail. Plus, lesfic is a small niche. We’re supposed to be sisters-in-arms and support each other. That doesn’t mean we have to like every lesbian book written. But it does mean we should value all lesfic books.

Then today I went into a FB Lesfic group and was figuratively gangbanged by two Lesfic reviewers. The thread asked how we felt about ARC reviews. I responded that I didn’t trust ARC reviews because I know writers who give away books to hundreds of people just to get their review count up high on Amazon. Two reviewers—I won’t say their names here, but I will say that I’ve never read any reviews they’ve written—jumped me for commenting as I did. As it turns out, they get a lot of ARC copies to review and took my comment as an insult to their work. (It wasn’t meant to be. I never said a word about any reviewers.) I apologized anyway. But they continued jumping me. I must’ve said I was sorry five or six times – even though what I said had already been said on the thread by other people. I have no idea why they chose to jump me instead of the other posters. Maybe they didn’t like me to begin with. I have no idea. All I know is that I ended up in tears. And that made my wife feel bad and that upset our cat and now I’m writing a blog about it and…

And let’s not even talk about the Trump crap. I’ve expressed my opinion on my own timeline and suddenly had Trumpers (who I don’t know and am not friends with) posting hateful, hurtful messages. When did ‘liberal’ become a bad word? (But that’s another blog.)

Too much drama for me. All because of Facebook. And my FB addiction. That’s why I deactivated today.

I have a lot of friends I’ve made over the past eight years and I will miss them. However, I can always be reached at my email address: Layceandsaxon@yahoo.com

I hope to have two more hours a day to do things like read, write, and play with my family!

Nothing like starting a New Year’s resolution one week late!

Start off your new year with laughs and some warm fuzzies!

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Comments on: "Goodbye, Facebook!" (39)

  1. Anne Hagan said:

    Good for you! We all have to do what’s best for us. I hope you find the peace and balance that you seek.

    Personally, all the election negativity is what did it for me. Fans, for the most part, have been great. I found though that during the elections and now in the aftermath, I was spending far too much time worrying and fretting and scrolling and reading and bristling at all the trolls…and little time writing.

    I do find I can’t cut FB out completely because I’m remote from much of my family and some very close friends and because it’s part of my overall book marketing plan but, as we rolled through December, I made drastic changes to the way I approach it. I read no political posts whatsoever. I skim 2-3 groups I’m most active in and comment only on book specific topics (other than starting a recent thread about GCLS 2018’s con in Vegas). I’ve paid for a site to post to my fan page for me and I monitor said page by checking it 2-3 times a day – very quickly – for anything I need to respond to. If there are no notifications, I don’t linger. I’m down to about 1/2 hour a day on Facebook, if that. If it wasn’t a key part of my marketing platform – since I’m not quite so well known – I wouldn’t even spend that much time there.

    My question to you is, do you worry that you’re hurting your own marketing and your accessibility to fans and potential fans by doing this? My own research has shown Facebook to be the top social network for the age 35-60+ women I want most to reach.

    • I don’t think it will hurt my marketing. Though that was a consideration on my part to deactivate. I have never actually seen a corelation between Facebook and sales. Also, I have six thousand blog subscribers and over one thousand people signed up for my newsletter. I get several new sign-ups a day on the newsletter, so it’s growing by leaps and bounds. I am hoping that will make up for FB, if it does have anything to do with sales. And don’t forget, my writing partner is still on FB and will be posting. I left to keep my sanity. I think I will now blog more since I won’t have the FB outlet. We’ll see… I’ll be happy to share any finding I come up with.

  2. I am sorry that you went through that. Just know that there are a lot of readers, who value your work. I, for one, will be sorry to see you leave Facebook. Facebook has always been a, sort of secret way, for us readers to get to know the women who’s book have changed our lives with their writing. I mean let’s face it, most of us will never be in a position to meet the authors in real life.

    Wishing you all the best in 2017

  3. Linda Scibilia said:

    While I am selfishly sorry to see you go, I most definitely understand. Since the election I have scaled way back on my Facebook time as well. It provides time for walking miles and miles a day with the pups, quilting, and spending time with my beautiful wife. I hope you come back at some point, but will continue to follow your blogs, and read your books… because both of those hints make me smile, and often break down in tears of laughter… so thank you for that Lance. May this change help you to find your peace again. Love both you and Saxon… and will continue to whether you’re on Facebook or Not! Keep on writing!!

  4. Linda Scibilia said:

    I hate auto correct Layce! Not Lance, lol…

  5. I can’t remember if it’s two or three times where I have regretted weighing in in a thread. To the point where I got so stressed, I was shaking. The first time it happened, I got tons of PMs supporting me and letting me know when I got to the con that they would make sure no scenes got started, and if they did, they had my back. I was heartened by the friendship but freaked out about how I could not just leave it alone. I kept responding to be emotional detriment. This was at least five years ago.

    Then about a year ago, someone was getting ganged up on in a thread. And all I did was ask that we treat each other with respect, and that you can share opinions without making them personal. And once again I was dragged in, and I was thinking….why did you do that. Weighing in on volatile threads has only made me upset and yes, at times cry.

    Almost all of my experiences are positive ones, and I am pretty isolated where I live, so Facebook is a lifeline, my only time with people like me. The other element is that Facebook is the main way I interact with readers and other authors. So there is a business and camaraderie element too.

    As a final note, I’ve been trolled in reviews. Where someone who obviously didn’t read my work threw the kitchen sink at me. The review didn’t bother me as much as how the one start effected my overall rating. Some bummed me out and I needed to know if my impression of my own work was off. So I asked authors I knew to give it a gander and was heartened that it wasn’t the trainwreck the trolls had implied.

    Saxon, can you continue to post links to Layce’s blogs. I love reading them and wouldn’t want to miss out. Layce, I respect your decision to go, though I will miss your humor and all that makes you special. You have my email, so don’t be a stranger.

  6. Gena Ratcliff said:

    Sorry to see you go Layce, but I get it. For me, FB is a bit of a lifeline, in that if I didn’t have it and the friends I’ve got there, I’d be more isolated than I already am. But, there are days woman…

    P.S. As to characters, write them as they come to you darlin. People/characters come in all shapes, races, careers and religions and they all have stories to tell. Keep telling the stories my friend.

  7. Renate Ziesche said:

    Hi… Lacey ..first of all: I love your books and Saxons I fully understand your quitting FB…. What on earth is wrong with people? Sometimes it really gets scary how people behave!

    Your books together with Saxon make me laugh…they are like a ray of sunshine, feel good books! Thanks for writing them…

    Have a relaxing weekend, a glass of red wine and the freeing experience not EVER having to read this hateful BS…

    always Renate

    • I am totally taking your advice! except for the red wine part, that was another thing I had to give up. Yep, that’s me, total addict… lol xoxo!

  8. I am glad you are still blogging! I would really miss those!

  9. Hi Layce! I love your books. I also think you should write about all types of characters. It’s REAL then. I have cut back my time on FB. We still have your blog!! xoxoxo *Hugs*

  10. Mary Anne said:

    I’ll miss seeing your name pop up on my news feed. The thing is I know exactly how you feel. I don’t spend as much time on FB as I used to; I have neither the time or inclination. I met lots of wonderful people on Facebook but I also met those who were spiteful and could turn very nasty when their egos were not stroked. Take heart in the fact that you have more loyal readers than you have haters. You keep writing and we’ll keep reading.

  11. Karen Cobb said:

    NOOOOOOOOOOO!!😥😥

    >

  12. Layce, I’m so sorry to see you go. I love seeing your face, reading your thoughts and opinions, and just knowing you’re there. I’m with you, though—as a lesbian, we should be supportive of each other and build each other up, not tear each other down. There are some out there in our community who don’t speak to me because I had a connection with a lesbian they don’t like. No longer connected, but I’m branded. I’m an artist who has that fragile ego, too…but it is what it is and for my sanity, I won’t dwell on it.

    I applaud you for taking this stand. Take a break—a short one or a long one, even forever. You have to do what is best for you. I will continue to read your blogs, share them, read your books, and share Saxon’s posts about them. You and Saxon have been an inspiration to me as a lesbian who came out late in life and needed friends in the community.

    And shame on those who attacked you for having an opinion. Especially, shame on the reader who doesn’t like characters who are fat. My thought on that is they don’t like those of us who are, then. They can take their judgemental asses elsewhere.

    I wish YOU nothing but peace, love, and to be happy in all that you do.

    Much love to you and Saxon.
    xoxoxo
    Rogena

  13. Carrie L Carr said:

    So very sorry you went through that. I’ve left/stopped commenting on almost all groups, for this very reason. Bless you and your family. Here’s to a great 2017!

  14. I totally love you and I totally understand. Now since you’ve deactivated I’ve lost our entire friendship in private mail… LOL – AND I didn’t write your address in my actual paper book. 😦 I’ll miss seeing your posts – and yes, I’m addicted as well. That doesn’t mean I won’t read your blogs and books – it just means that I’ll miss you. I’d really like to “see” you live and in person again as well. Road trip anyone? Maybe when it’s warmer and I can see your tire garden. 🙂

  15. So sorry to hear this, Layce. I have always admired you as a writer and enjoy your work. In fact, you are one of a very small handful of lesfic authors that has inspired my own writing.

    It has been proven that Facebook usage is directly tied to increased anxiety and depression. After this election especially, I can only imagine it has even gotten worse. I’ve been trying to limit my social time as well and try to be selective about what and how much I share through my author profile. That said, you will be sorely missed!

  16. Good for you Layce for taking care of yourself. I will look for your blogs. Keep writing and have a great 2017!

  17. Sorry you had to deal with that Layce but It seems like a good idea to step away. As a relatively new author, I’m careful about what I respond to but right now FaceBook is one of the best ways I knew to connect with readers. Maybe when I have a mailing list the size of yours I’ll be able to do the same. Good luck. See you in Chicago.

  18. Honestly I wish there was a respect button for you
    ; )
    I understand your frustration and and your feeling like Facebook is a complete waste of time 😢
    For me Facebook found me you ( and Saxon ) …
    As well as some other of my favoritest people in the whole wide world !
    I’m especially saddened to hear that this happened in a Lesfic reading group.
    I love you and will miss you more than you can imagine. Oops wait, I know that imagination ; ) maybe not.
    I respect your decision and you❣
    From my heart to yours, …jaynes ; ) 😘

    • Saxon and I were just talking about you! Yours was the first lesfic group I ever joined. You were so good to us. I’ll never be able to thank you enough. Love ya!

  19. M. E. Logan, Author said:

    Well, I wondered where you went when someone said you left. I’m sorry all that happened — and I can understand the why at least. Writers need to be tender hearted and thick skinned, I’m still working on one of them. I wouldn’t have met you w/o FB but t just start following you on Twitter and here, but I’ll have you know I expect good use (and less stress) for those extra two hours you have gained! I wish you luck. and peace. We all have enough stress now.

  20. Layce,

    I completely understand and can relate to this post. I’ve contemplated the same thing lately. I had someone attack me on my own page and then another proceeded to do it on their page. Oh, it was nicely veiled, but I got the “message.”

    I’ve seen the recent attacks on reviewers, arcs, editing and publishers. Even one going so far to say everyone else is crap, but my “company” kinda stuff. We work hard at our craft, we engage and try to be engaging and yet Facebook by it’s very nature can suck the love right out of the craft.

    So, I’ve limited my time. I’m sorry to see you go, I love you and Saxon’s wonderful sense of humor, but I know where you can be found. Who that’s sounded kinda stalkerish, huh?

    Hang in there and don’t let ’em steal your mojo!

    Isabella

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