Making lesbians happy – one book at a time

The Controversial Purse

I’ve always had a complicated relationship with purses. I know many lesbians don’t like to carry a purse. Maybe because it’s too feminine. Maybe because it’s a pain in the butt to tote it around. I have vacillated between love and hate with my purse.

Like I said, it’s very complicated.

I started carrying a purse when I started my period. You  have to have some place to carry your once-a-month essentials. I got a cute blue suede purse with a long macrame rope strap.  I put my plastic tampon case with blue daisies inside it. Then I loaded it all up with everything a young woman might need during the course of a day: Jean Nate body spray, Aqua Net, pooka shell necklaces, and a paperback copy of Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

jls

Then during high school, I said no to the purse and the establishment. I viewed the purse as just another  sandbag the patriarchy was using to weigh me down. I carried my tampons in my sock.

During college I went back to purse-carrying. Mostly because I never knew where I was going to end up for the night. At that time I packed my huge-ass purse—It was really a duffel bag, I think—with an extra change of clothes, clean underwear, socks, bra, toothbrush and toothpaste, half a bottle of Jack Daniels, 750 hits of speed (white crosses, remember those?) and a well-worn, dog-eared copy of The Communist Manifesto.

cm

Then after college, I moved to California and became a devotee of the lesbian scene in Los Angeles. Nobody carried a purse. So, once again, I eschewed the feminine trappings of pursedom. (Though I did fall victim to a fanny pack for about two weeks.) I was back to carrying tampons in my Doc Martens and my money in my sportsbra.

Then I adopted my daughter, Emma. That meant I had to carry not only all my crap, but five times more crap for a baby every where I went. I bought a big diaper bag. I stuffed everything in it. Emma and I could’ve survived a holocaust with all the stuff I lugged around in that bag—which included the book Heather Has Two Mommies.

heather

Then Emma grew up and I didn’t need a purse any more. I bought pants with pockets. I stuffed candy and tissues in my bra and carried my credit card and driver’s license in my pocket along with my cell phone.

But today I found myself once again shopping for a purse. My needs are very specific. It has to have a long strap so I can wear it across my body and it can’t be ripped off me. It’s also easier on the back in that position. I want it to have two main compartments. One side will house all my essentials like my wallet and Aleve (thank god, I don’t need tampons anymore.) The other compartment will be for my trump gun. I recently bought a .38 special and got a license to conceal carry. I call it my trump gun because I didn’t need a gun until Mr. Trump told white men everywhere that they can beat up people and rape women and it’s okay.  My new purse will also need separate pouches for my taser and pepper spray.  The book 1984 is my new bible.

1984

Like I said, my relationship with purses has been very on again, off again. Right now it’s on again. And I’ve decided to embrace my inner purse. And to all those people who think purse-carrying is a sign of weakness, I dare you to look inside mine—I’m a one-woman, marching, ass-kicking arsenal!

 

The women in this book don’t call them purses –

they’re ammo bags!

zombies cover

You can get your very own copy here!

Comments on: "The Controversial Purse" (14)

  1. No purse here, yet. Over the last 10 years I’ve thought of getting a gun. My mother has lived with me for the last 9 years and she did not want a gun in the house. And we do have 3 damn vicious dogs that would scare off a lion attack, so I keep thinking she will be safe. Did anyone in your habitat voice negative vibes about you getting a gun? I also dont believe I can carry concealed as an IT tech, lol. Although that has probably saved many drivers lives. Continue on with your badass tude

  2. Mary Anne said:

    I’ve always used a handbag and until recently always carried too much in whatever bag I had. Now the only thing I demand in a handbag is that it’s big enough to carry a Kindle. If you’re going for safety and don’t want something that weighs a ton check out Travelon bags. I wish you well in your quest for that perfect bag.

  3. Oh the memories of my love hate affair with a purse. I use a messenger bag now-several small pockets on the outside, large main pocket and long, adjustable strap. Butch card is safe and no purse.

  4. Anne Hagan said:

    I hear you sister! I’ve had a love/hate relationship with them myself. My wife despises them but, when I carried one, she’d alway have stuff she wanted me to put in it for her. Now I just have a really big wallet I got from ’31’ (All About the Benjamins?) that I can carry all my essentials in (I don’t need tampons anymore either) and for those times when I need more ‘stuff’, I have my laptop bag. My wife has learned to wear pants with more pockets. She’s on her own!

  5. My handbag is a backpack! Great blog!

  6. I carry a backpack to work and to the radio station. Otherwise I have in my pockets my wallet and essentials, including a whistle and a pocketknife. My 29-year-old son said he too needed a knife and went after my Bella one (from GCLS con). I said it’s a lesbian knife, and he said “even better” and grabbed it. 🙂

  7. I LOVE your posts..So much ro.say…. so little time .
    I only say that because “Alternative Facts ” may find their way into all our stuff. ☯😎

  8. Loved this blog! I read it when it was posted – but was on my phone – I really related. Thanks for humor while posting the truth sister!

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